Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
