that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it hurts more in the daytime
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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