i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
