Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
