would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my poor anus
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
