This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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