My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
