What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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