I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
