just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
