I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
