Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
