I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
