i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
