As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
