I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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