Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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