I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
