Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
