history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
