This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
