i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
