That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
