oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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