I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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