I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
