oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
NoShamevember. You game?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
