I want to stick my p in your. b.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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