guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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