my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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