Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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