Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
