Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
