I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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