There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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