Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
