I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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