i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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