I wish my penis had an off switch
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
