I'll bet she douches with gravy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
