Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
