So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
