she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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