Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
