The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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