I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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