he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
