I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
