just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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