her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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