thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
