last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
