Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
