if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your cock deserves a montage
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
