I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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