Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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