gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
