Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
