They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
