she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
